just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
