is wine microwaveable?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
