Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
