If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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