so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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