i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize