The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
