So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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