If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
