Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
