I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
