Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Randomize
