We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
