Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize