then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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