I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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