I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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