her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
