dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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