I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Randomize
