He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
