those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize