So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
