Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
