Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
