Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
