both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
