NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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