Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
