you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
