Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Randomize
