You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Randomize