now i know why i became what i already was.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
