i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
