my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Randomize
