Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
