I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
