First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
