i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Randomize
