She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i just had sex bonerless
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
