Having a random hookup so left but love u
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
