You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
