It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize
