Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
