Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
