New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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