So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
