508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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