apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
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