My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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