toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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