He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize