I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
