I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
