On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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