Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
