Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
We have so much sex to catch up on
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
