so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
