you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
he puts the penis in happiness.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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