I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
do nipples grow back?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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